Land of smiles

I was in Thailand last week. To everyone who asks me how it was, I say that it is a beautiful country. It is a beautiful country. It is also full of tourists. We lost a ton of money before we caught on to the bargaining game that lowers prices to a quarter of what was originally stated. Thai people are very good at catering to their tourists. They're also good at keeping their own culture by knowing exactly enough English to sell you something, then switching back to Thai for everything else.

It exhausts me to think of all the things we did. Two boat tours, which included snorkeling in absurdly shallow water and canoeing through absurdly low-roofed caves. A "Thai fantasy" show. Bungee jumped and then shook for a good half hour from the adrenaline. My boyfriend almost crashed the scooter we rented. Saw a ton of other people who had actually crashed and had to wear patches of gauze. Saw a woman(?) shoot darts out of her vagina. Watched more than one lady boy hit on my boyfriend. Multiple massages and a foot scrub during which I flinched continuously from my ticklishness. Ate a grasshopper (crunchy) and a silkworm (grossly mushy inside.) More seafood than I can remember. And many, many hours on the beach. I am now toasted to a golden brown.