Recently I started watching The West Wing. As a tip to anyone going to a country that is not America, it's not necessarily the best idea to watch such idealized, patriotic television programming. The highs of watching it are coupled with the lows of returning to reality. The episode I just watched had one of the characters saying something along the lines of "Everything eventually leaks around here. It's how I know for sure the government isn't covering up aliens in New Mexico." Now, I don't actually agree with that logic because the American government manages to cover up quite a lot of things....
But I do miss having some idea of what the hell is going on. Lately I find myself making lots of new acquaintances. Which leads to constantly having to explain why I no longer work at my previous school. When I tell people that I got fired, they want to know why. Which is a questions that I hate. Because besides being invasive, I can't answer the damn thing. I have no clue what happened. My best guess is that I don't have enough wasta? (That's the Arabic word for clout.) But it's not even a very good guess.
I miss America mostly because I understood it. I had a pretty good idea what was going on day to day and why things happened the way they did. But here, even in my social life, I have no clue. And that's an area that I like to consider myself moderately good at handling! And yet I did a shitton of stupid things yesterday, including completely killing my chances with a guy that I find intriguing. And I did it on purpose! I killed the chances on purpose!
My friend asked me why I was being such a fool and my very honest answer was, "He's too smart for me." In this country, I am an absolute idiot with nothing going for me. I don't speak the language that every single person that I work with speaks. I have zero training for or knowledge about the most important aspect of my job. (I.e. class room management with grade school children who do not speak English.) Socially, I make blunders that I did not even see coming, due largely to my complete ignorance of the rest of the world. I associate with the wrong people and I have very little wasta, even though I have been given multiple windows that I failed to take advantage of.
I do it wrong, and then I do it wrong again. Because I am stupid. Now please excuse me while I publish my faults to the Internet. Because that's a good idea, right?
But I do miss having some idea of what the hell is going on. Lately I find myself making lots of new acquaintances. Which leads to constantly having to explain why I no longer work at my previous school. When I tell people that I got fired, they want to know why. Which is a questions that I hate. Because besides being invasive, I can't answer the damn thing. I have no clue what happened. My best guess is that I don't have enough wasta? (That's the Arabic word for clout.) But it's not even a very good guess.
I miss America mostly because I understood it. I had a pretty good idea what was going on day to day and why things happened the way they did. But here, even in my social life, I have no clue. And that's an area that I like to consider myself moderately good at handling! And yet I did a shitton of stupid things yesterday, including completely killing my chances with a guy that I find intriguing. And I did it on purpose! I killed the chances on purpose!
My friend asked me why I was being such a fool and my very honest answer was, "He's too smart for me." In this country, I am an absolute idiot with nothing going for me. I don't speak the language that every single person that I work with speaks. I have zero training for or knowledge about the most important aspect of my job. (I.e. class room management with grade school children who do not speak English.) Socially, I make blunders that I did not even see coming, due largely to my complete ignorance of the rest of the world. I associate with the wrong people and I have very little wasta, even though I have been given multiple windows that I failed to take advantage of.
I do it wrong, and then I do it wrong again. Because I am stupid. Now please excuse me while I publish my faults to the Internet. Because that's a good idea, right?
You are not stupid. In America, you are probably a very smart person who can get around just fine. Just one more year, and you'll be back to a happier old life!
ReplyDeleteIf I remember correctly, you got fired because your manager was full of shit that you wouldn't take and had connections with upper management. Whoever is working under him right now is probably groaning and has figured why you were fired. But it's probably easier to just say that you didn't have enough wasta.